I avoid to think about it to much. Not because i don’t know who i am, because i cant be fit into a box. Since we young, we are teached what is right and wrong. By the choices we make we are made into the persons we are. Even bad choices can have a positive effect.
I want to believe that I am a good person, with good intentions. Whats good to me, might be bad and selfish to another.
I thought about this, for few years, and I cant really tell you who i am. The obvious is, that I’m good person. I do what l have to do. A give my best in every thing i do. I raise a child, hiding some truths to her. I refuse to cry about the things that breaks my heart and soul. Deny the things that breaks my soul.
I believe in karma, and I also believe there’s a God, a spirit that controls all our lives.
I love unconditionally and make an effort to let the person I love so that he can know just how much i love him. I get angry some days and struggle to let it out without hurting some one. I keep away from people, who i think is a bad influence. I judge people of the way they look or the way they do things. I’m the crazy one. The normal one. The one that don’t have a lot of friends, but the ones I have I trust.
The weird thing is, your parents and friends can often tell more about who you are than you yourself. The reason for this, i believe, they observe us when we are truly yourself. We open up to them, sometimes without even noticing it. I know when i’m around people, new people, i’m a bit quiet. Observing what they talk about and how they do things. Sometimes i would make it look that i share the same ideas, but why i do this i don’t really know. I think its the safest way to go. The safe zone.
Yes, its so easy to say, always be yourself. We are human. You cant be yourself all the time. And if you think you are yourself, maybe then at that moment you are bluffing yourself. Damn i’m not even myself when i’m alone. Maybe i have a hidden personality?
Times when i believe i become in contact with me is when i hear a very good mix of music- i call it trippy music. But its just music, no lyrics. It awakes emotions that release thoughts and yes then i just let go. A song that i recently discovered is “hallucinations” in the movie “The Maze runner”.
Another time is when i’m in nature, surrounded by trees and birds and an open sky.
In todays life, its not often that i get a chance to just breath. Maybe i would understand myself better and work with what i have.I have not made peace yet. Its like i dont want to settle that part yet.
Who am i? Maybe i need not to know the whole truth yet.